I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
