How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize