I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
