Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
