I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have aggressive nipples.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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