don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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