I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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