i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
