i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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