i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
