Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
