yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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