love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
