dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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