Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
