i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
