dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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