It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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