I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
