my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
