good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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