but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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