This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I believe in your delicious
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
