wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I could fuck to npr.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
