that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
