Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
