Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
