It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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