i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize