Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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