You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
