just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
