Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
