if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
