It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
