Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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