The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
