we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize