elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize