This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
