No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
