Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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