I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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