I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Congratulations! We have a period
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize