i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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