Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize