I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
