She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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