**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
