The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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