just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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