im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
