Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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