Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
