Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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