Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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