i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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