I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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