i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
