He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
