If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
