Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think i have two assholes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
