woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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