Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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