Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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