just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
